It’s been some time since I last
wrote something. Actually it’s more about putting in the effort to publish here
than writing one. Of all passions and tastes I have, this minute motivation
to scribble is the most obscure and elusive Lady Love I pine for. Well, like
any other prose, I write this for me, an utterly selfish and self-validating
effort meant to record this today for tomorrow, so that I can have a smug smile
on my face in say 2020.
I want to think what changed in
these years…
I always wanted to be something
at every point in my life, only to change my mind in 3-4 years, falling in and
out of love with certain life and dreams and people. I got this wall poster of
chimps mocking, reminding and ‘face palming’ me over the folly of trying to
make sense when I’m desperate. This angry second-hand of my timepiece,
always eager to jump across but hesitantly comes to a momentary halt
before making next step, warning me that’s how it is, no fast forwarding, no
spoilers. There are new hobbies and interests with inexhaustible levels to
explore. Some values abandoned, vices acquired over the years giving blind eye to some flaws. I am better aware of my
demons, making peace with some and avoiding a confrontation with others.
I remember my friend keeping a small mirror in his hall room so that he can see the wall painting on the other side when he sits at a place. Appreciating and understanding the beauty is one of the most worthwhile endeavors of life i think. And what’s life if your mirror can’t show beautiful things.. So yesterday I was talking to a friend over phone. When it was my turn to talk, I was appalled at how little I can speak of things, like I had a sudden amnesia or I have just started living the life. Like the psychosomatic blindness of Woody Allen in ‘Hollywood Ending’. She’s probably going to die of boredom if she continues speaking to me, but then she got a mirror reflecting some beautiful world I haven’t known.
There are no proofs whatsoever
for the widespread saying 'everything happens for good', like the concept of
God, but then it's a choice to believe and to live for even if you can't see
past near future. May be, just maybe you'd make the best out it at the end,
connecting all dots. But as i understand
it can happen only if i stop looking for meaning and happiness and instead
responding to life with the best of myself.
2105hr 17Oct15
